Celui avec l'erreur - The One with the MISTAKE

My forever Love,

It took me a long time to decide if I'd rather reply to you from your last email or from the previous one or from here. At the end, the only thing l know is that l can not face the words that you wrote on the very last email.

Why can't l face it ?

Certainly because l realize that l made that MISTAKE you talked about.
When l called you on the phone last night, l could feel that you had changed already.
If l lost you for real, I'd rather end up with life right now because, for sure, I would not be able to face that, I would not be able to forget that I made the MISTAKE that destroyed our Love...the MISTAKE that you will never forgive since it seems that you will not talk to me any more.
Yes, l felt the voice on your voice and it makes me realize even more the MISTAKE l have done.

Usually, when you let your anger, your sadness or your frustration speak, until now, l always tried to stand up like a rock listening to you and telling you supporting words and optimistic points of view. Even though you are losing your temper l know that my words (my utopical words ?) are not useless. You will take them in consideration after all. I am saying that you will accept them but at least you will consider them.

Unfortunatly, last night, because of the way you started to ask me those 2 questions, because of the way you were getting upset because l could not answer those 2 questions (where and when will be be able to live together ?)... because of all of that, l got lost and confused. I felt accused, blamed and guilty for not having THE answer of those questions that are killing BOTH OF US.

I admit that I do not have the answer.

But it's not a reason for me to stop hoping that WE will find the answer soon or later.

My MISTAKE ?

That time, I was not strong enough to keep standing up, to keep listening to you, supporting you, being there for you when you were feeling bad, stressed up...and surely completly down. Usually, l manage to be that strong man. For me, cracking into tears is just acceptable, just possible in the toilets on an aircraft. Usually I manage to keep looking forward, to keep my head up and be there whenever you need me...

BUT... last night ... I failed .

I made the MISTAKE that you will never forgive me.

Today, I can not look at myself in the mirror.
All l see is what l have always felt inside, what I have always hidden deep inside me.
All I see is a looser and a weak man who will never deserve to be loved by anyone.

I should have known that I would never be able

• to be the perfect man you deserve
• to be the perfect thing ever as I know you are and will always be for me

I love you ... I do ...

I can't help it ...

I love you and will never ever consider it as a MISTAKE.

Celui avec la pluie – The One with the Rain

Depuis toujours je n’ai jamais aimé la pluie. Il m’est bien arrivé 2 ou 3 fois de m’amuser sous la pluie mais jusqu’à présent j’ai toujours détesté la pluie. Pourtant, je ne sais pas si c’est moi qui me calme et qui voit la vie d’un autre côté, mais depuis quelques temps déjà j’accepte une averse avec philosophie, avec une certaine plénitude que je ne me connaissais pas.

Cela va faire quelques temps maintenant que je vois la vie autrement. Ce n’est pas de la désinvolture ou du je-m’en-foutisme. Mais c’est vrai que de plus en plus, j’arrive à relativiser et me dire qu’il y a des choses plus graves dans la vie qu’une chemise mouillée ou des chaussettes trempées. C’est vrai que cela n’a rien d’agréable mais au bout du compte il n’y a pas mort d’homme. Ce n’est que de l’eau. Ce n’est pas comme si on vous versait de l’encre ou de l’acide sulfurique dessus. Pour certains, c’est une catastrophe ! Pour certains, prendre l’avion par temps d’orage est un supplice.

Pour moi, depuis peu, la pluie est devenue une amie. La pluie est devenue une douce caresse qui coule sur ma peau et te rapproche de moi. La pluie…c’est des perles de mots d’amour qui roulent sur mon cœur. La pluie c’est tes mains qui glissent sur ma peau…la pluie c’est les regards que tu poses sur moi lorsque je dors…la pluie est devenue ta présence qui m’accompagne et me protège partout où je suis…La pluie c’est la douceur des tes lèvres qui fait frémir ma peau. La pluie c’est Toi.

Chaque fois qu’il pleut, je sais que nos âmes sont plus proches que jamais. Ces derniers temps, j’ai beaucoup pris l’avion, et bizarrement, à chaque fois, il pleuvait, comme si tu étais là pour me protéger. Lors de ma première nuit à la Réunion, je me suis endormi comme un bébé car il pleuvait, comme si tu étais là pour veiller sur mon sommeil.

Tu es partout dans ma vie. Tu es partout autour de moi. Tu es dans l’air que je respire et l’eau que je bois. Tu es ma motivation quotidienne et l’homme que j’ai toujours attendu.

Je t’aime.

As far as I remember, I always hated the rain. It may have happened 2 or 3 times that l enjoyed playing under the rain, but until now, I ‘d better say that l have always hated the rain. However, l don’t know if l really learned how to calm down and see Life on the positive way, but recently l found myself a new philosophy, accepting a sudden shower with a plenitude that l have never felt before.

For quite some time now, l see Life from a different angle. It’s not that l am unself-consciousness or that l don’t care. But more and more, l realize that there are things more important than just a wet shirt or some soaked socks. For sure nobody likes being soaked to the skin but nobody dies from it! It’s just water! Some would make such a huge story out of it as if they had been thrown some ink or acid. Some even think that they would not survive an airplane journey during a storm.

As for me, Rain has become a friend now. Rain is like a caress which runs down my skin and takes you closer to me. Rain is like precious Love words that roll on my heart…Rain is like your hands slipping on my skin…Rain is like the eyes you have on me when l sleep…Rain is someone who holds my hand and protect me no matter where l am…Rain is like the sweetness of your lips and make me shiver every time you touch me…Rain is YOU.

Every time it rains, l know that our souls are closer than ever. The last few weeks, l travelled a lot. And it might sound weird, but each time l took a plane, it was raining as if you were there to protect me. During my first night back home, l slept like a baby…because it was raining as if you were watching over my dreams.

You are everywhere in my life. You are all around me. You are the air that l breathe and the water that l drink. You are my daily motivation and the Man l have been waiting for so long.

I love you.